Matriculation
I'm OFFICIALLY a student of Oxford University now! After dressing up in suit, white bow tie and a graduate gown, I fathered with othe freshers of St John's College at the main lodge in the morning when everything was still misty. Each of us had to sign off before we made our way to the Sheldonion Theatre through the back garden of St John's College where squirrels (and apparently foxes) run freely like they were in the wild. We were already running late and people were shouting "St John's, you're late. Hurry!"
Sheldonion is an amazing dome. When we entered, people from other colleges were already seated on the balconies around the dome. I was sitting in the front row. Soon afterwards, John Hood entered and greated with the academics sitting opposite me. He started with some Latin then addressed us by explaining a bit of history about the matriculation ceremony. It used to be a ceremony before there was the nationwide university entrance examination to test the academic competence of new students. It was apparently a Latin test. The whole ceremony was just his speech (in a feel-like-home accent) and only lasted for 20 minutes. There are ~40 colleges in Oxford and the theatre could only accommodate ~4 each time, so the ceremony had to be short. We had the college photos taken afterwards. It was a bit silly that the college had a notice telling us that the photograph was taken at 12 o'clock, but when I entered at 11:45, most people are already standing on the elevated racks! There were more latecomers too, so it took the photographer forever to re-position people round and fit others in. It's just stupid that he should've just waited for everyone to show up before getting people to stand! Just another of many evidences of British people's VERY poor organisation skill. (Oops, might have hurt someone, you know who I'm talking about.)
The somewhat exciting night ended in a bit of dismay with me. After having photos with other Taiwanese people around the city, they asked me about the Bop (the word for party in a college in Oxford) in St John's College. I wasn't going to go, but they'd like to so I took them to the MCR at 10. There were very loud music and people dancing. I didn't really know anyone there. And it's just not my scene with parties. But I still feel annoyed with myself for not being cool enough to be able to enjoy those sort of occassions and just let myself loose in the music. Well, I'm even more annoyed that I feel annoyed about something that's just not me. I seem to have the intrinsic expecation of myself to behave like what everyone likes. Damn it. Why should I really care so much about what other people would like? I should just be able to do what I enjoy most and not enjoy what I don't like without feeling lowsy and bad about myself. It just seems I am still trying to earn people's approval. WHY WHY WHY, after 8 years, I'm still doing it...
Sheldonion is an amazing dome. When we entered, people from other colleges were already seated on the balconies around the dome. I was sitting in the front row. Soon afterwards, John Hood entered and greated with the academics sitting opposite me. He started with some Latin then addressed us by explaining a bit of history about the matriculation ceremony. It used to be a ceremony before there was the nationwide university entrance examination to test the academic competence of new students. It was apparently a Latin test. The whole ceremony was just his speech (in a feel-like-home accent) and only lasted for 20 minutes. There are ~40 colleges in Oxford and the theatre could only accommodate ~4 each time, so the ceremony had to be short. We had the college photos taken afterwards. It was a bit silly that the college had a notice telling us that the photograph was taken at 12 o'clock, but when I entered at 11:45, most people are already standing on the elevated racks! There were more latecomers too, so it took the photographer forever to re-position people round and fit others in. It's just stupid that he should've just waited for everyone to show up before getting people to stand! Just another of many evidences of British people's VERY poor organisation skill. (Oops, might have hurt someone, you know who I'm talking about.)
The somewhat exciting night ended in a bit of dismay with me. After having photos with other Taiwanese people around the city, they asked me about the Bop (the word for party in a college in Oxford) in St John's College. I wasn't going to go, but they'd like to so I took them to the MCR at 10. There were very loud music and people dancing. I didn't really know anyone there. And it's just not my scene with parties. But I still feel annoyed with myself for not being cool enough to be able to enjoy those sort of occassions and just let myself loose in the music. Well, I'm even more annoyed that I feel annoyed about something that's just not me. I seem to have the intrinsic expecation of myself to behave like what everyone likes. Damn it. Why should I really care so much about what other people would like? I should just be able to do what I enjoy most and not enjoy what I don't like without feeling lowsy and bad about myself. It just seems I am still trying to earn people's approval. WHY WHY WHY, after 8 years, I'm still doing it...
posted by Anderson | 4:11 PM
1 Comments:
It takes time and effort for some (most) people to become happy with who they are, the whole acceptance thing.
Look at yourself as making your way to that step by step, frustrating and upsetting as it can be at times.
Why shouldn't you take the taiwanese peeps to the Bop (hahahahaha, what a name) , then be free to tell them to give you a text when they're all danced out, so you can pick them up/whatever? Or why shouldn't you be comfortable grabbing a drink and going to watch TV in the common room? The pressure we feel placed on us is often of our own invention.
Cool open minded people don't mind if you don't want to join in on 'Bopping' (ahaha), they should respect your decision to do what you feel most comfortable with. You're not doing anyone any harm.
You're more likely to win people's respect anyway by laughing and saying "This isn't really my thing, I'm the worst dancer ever, I'll catch you guys after" , than trying to fit in and feeling awkward.
From a biological perspective - find your niche and conquer it. Don't be afraid to try things outside it, but don't beat yourself up if you don't find them to your liking.
Whoa! What a comment.
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